How we approach the Holidays…

One of the questions I am frequently asked by all of you, is how we approach the holiday season. Most specifically, Christmas. While I feel that every year has been approached differently, depending on where we are on the spectrum of the kids ages (as well as Jennings’ health) I do think I have some general themes to share that may help you as you think ahead to the Christmas crazy! I’ll speak to a few top categories: keeping Jesus the center, Gifts, and Memories & Traditions. My hope is that these words center your heart and give you more peace as we approach celebrating Christ’s birth. As Mothers there is a level of fullness we simply cannot avoid during this time of year. I have found that even when I work to find balance, that balance truly seems to be an illusion because the truth is there are so many “must dos”. It truly is the posture of our hearts and only that that will carry us through this crazy season. A posture of peace, gratitude and joy only Jesus can give us.

a classic Palmer family memory

Photo Cred: Kristen Montgomery Photography

Keeping Jesus the Reason for the Season

I can’t pretend I’ve nailed this every year, so if you’re looking for the Mom who has, you’re not in the right place. But I can share the ways we have tried to teach our children that “Jesus is the reason for the season”. First of all, Jesus is something we teach them about throughout the year and it can’t simply be restricted to one season when shepherding our children to know him. The greatest way we teach our kids about him is “along the way” as scripture teaches. Meaning, shepherding them cannot be reduced to good children’s books or advent products. It must be done throughout the day and throughout life, teaching them in everyday moments how much we need him and why He is worthy of our worship. So that said, pressure OFF you to “get it right” this holiday season. There is no right way. If there is one right way, I’d say it’s leaning in ourselves and knowing His peace for ourselves, then and only then, can we express it to our children! So get in that Bible. Listen to that sermon or worship song. Be filled so you can fill your kids with His love and grace.

One of the practical ways we have brought His story of redemption into Christmas is through the Jesse Tree tradition. When our children were little, I attended an event at my then church where women made multiples of each Jesse Tree Ornament. We exchanged them and all ended up with 25 beautifully individually crafted ornaments to share the Gospel story with our family for years to come. Since 2016, my family has done the Jesse Tree Devotions each day leading up to Christmas. The kids love to pull out the individual ornaments and can often recall the bible story that goes with each of them from creation to the birth of Jesus. If you want to host a Jesse Tree party with your friends, or at your church, you can read more about how to do that here.

Another beautiful way to anticipate the greatest gift as a family is with Advent Blocks. I discovered Good Kind Co. a few years ago when I was trying to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in the hearts of my children. We use their “gratikube” at dinner time to help the kids consider blessings in their day and begin to foster thinking that is grateful instead of discontent. I then discovered their Advent Blocks and this is a beautiful and easy way to anticipate Jesus together. You set all the blocks in line 1—25, then put the Star Block on top of the number 1 and the Earth Block on top of number 25. Each day you read a story and turn the number block to reveal an image that corresponds with the day's story. Move the Star Block one step closer to the Earth Block: God is coming to earth to stay. On Christmas Eve, turn the blocks one more time to reveal the special message: EMMANUEL, GOD WITH US! I love this option if crafting a Jesse Tree just is not in the cards for you! (it would be for me at this stage of life, trust me!)

Gifts

I have often been asked also, how we do Christmas gifts and I’ll preface again by saying, I’m not sure there is a “right” way. I love the “something you want, something you need, something to read” idea and know many that do that. That wasn’t really in the cards for us in the children’s early years. Jennings had cancer and frankly: we wanted to give our kids a lot of joy and so that tradition never settled in. That said, for any “normal” family who has every hope that their child will live a full and happy life, I do love the idea! I’m a minimalist at heart so that tension I have felt as a Mom of a child with cancer has been difficult! That said, we have never gone crazy on the kids by any means gift-wise. Christmas is really the only time of the year, other than their birthdays, that we buy them something new and shiny.

Joel grew up with Santa Claus in his life, and early on in our marriage he expressed that letting the children enjoy the magic of Santa was important to him. I’m not sure if he’d choose that now, but you know, once you choose Santa, you choose him. So…..here we are! So if you’re a young new Mom reading this, choose this wisely! Santa is Magical- but the magic is YOU. So do you want to commit to that? It’s a little bit of magical pressure each year! x4 children it’s been a bit more than I bargained for and if I’m being honest I won’t be sad to see it go. That said, my family wasn’t big on Santa growing up!

Caroline and Jennings (10 and 8) no longer believe but we may get a few more years out of the twins. Caroline and Jennings get to be in on the magic now which is so sweet. Santa brings one gift and it is typically a very nice unwrapped gift. They are placed on our hearth on Christmas Eve and it is the first item the children see when they rush down the stairs on Christmas morning. I do love that for them, and in that moment, the stress of selecting the perfect and equal “Santa gift” for each child dissipates. Joel and I purchase one equal gift for each child, and stuff their stockings. The hope is that each child’s gift is generally equal in cost- and we try hard to keep it as close as we can. Inevitably, one child’s gift will just be one gift but the gifts the other child wanted will be multiple and equal the value of the other child’s one gift. But you get the picture! I find this to be an abundant approach, but not overly excessive by any means. They get a gift from Santa, a gift from us and a stuffed stocking. And with gifts from family it’s more than enough.

You might be wondering if we do Elf on the Shelf. Nope! Love it for others but I never got on that train. Things like that, that require creativity and daily effort are not my forte. I would screw it up so bad. In recent years my kids have asked why we don’t do the elf, and I just have been pretty savage and explained that we don’t have an elf, sorry! I’m hopeful that they see all the other ways Christmas is special and that not doing it further emphasizes the reason for the season!

Memories & Traditions

This is a topic I am passionate about and have a lot to say on. I’ll try to say it with love and truth! I think it helps that I grew up in a humble household of four children. My parents did not have the means that Joel and I have now. This experience helped shape how I view Christmas traditions and “memory making”.

Here is the main point: I believe the most magical of Christmas Memories are built in the most consistent, yet simple things you do as a family during the holiday season.

I love family outings and magical moments just as much as the next person. But over time I’ve learned that my children need far less to make their memories happy & magical than I may have originally thought as a new Mom. I kid you not my favorite Christmas memories from my childhood are the following: laying down by the tree and staring at the glowing lights, “ice skating” in my socks with my sister to the Amy Grant Christmas album (she’s an icon, she’s a legend) and the three tier German Christmas Pyramid my Mom would light up every Christmas Eve next to the fondue, appetizers and Christmas cookies we’d soon enjoy.

Each season, there are a host of experiences calling your name for you and your children to experience “Christmas Magic”. All you have to do is plan in advance, buy the tickets, and show up and it’s all there for you. The snow, the sparkle, the warm comforting holiday foods. Maybe it’s even a train that actually goes to the North Pole! wink wink. There’s nothing wrong with these consumer experiences. I’ve done some of them. They can bring joy to our children, and most often times, it brings the most joy to us as parents to experience them with our children. But if the pursuit of this experience is holding all the potential for us to have the Christmas magic with our kids, I do think we’re missing it. I believe the magic can be far simpler than you might think, and I can promise you it’s certainly not in an over scheduled calendar full of experiences to pay for, run to, and find the perfect holiday outfit for. I think the key to finding the right rhythm for you and your family, is looking inward at what you enjoy, what your margin is and less on what others are doing. I think that’s where we get hung up. Well Lauren takes her kids to McAdvenville every year and that must be magical. 1.) nothing is actually perfectly magical, this is not heaven and 2.) what is for one family, is not for another.

We adopted the tradition of McAdenville because Joel did it as a kid. It is something we have never skipped, except for the year Jennings was diagnosed with leukemia. Somehow, we’ve made it every time besides then. At first, and even in recent years, there is complaining. Some years our favorite restaurant has been closed unbeknownst to us and we’ve had to pivot. Sometimes it’s really freakin' cold. So to me, the magic really isn’t always in that exact moment. I believe it’s in the consistent memories built over time in my children’s minds. This is a tradition. It’s something we do until we can’t do it anymore. It’s not that it was PERFECT, it’s that it was OURS. The magic & beauty is in that fact that we can say as a family, for years to come, that we’ve done this, and we did it together. And we can lovingly recall all the mishaps and misfortune we may have encountered, and the magic too.

Baby Charlotte & Henry in the Bob Stroller at McAdenville

So as you plan out your holiday season, think about the things your children may recall for years to come. Think about traditions that will be meaningful to them as they get older. It’s probably the things that you will genuinely enjoy and find joy in, that will rub off onto them.

Christmas magic can be as simple as a comforting recipe made every year, a joy filled, low pressure baking time or craft time, a consistent outing to see Christmas lights, putting up the decor at your own home. By design, there’s so much joy to encounter at the holiday season, we really only have to open our eyes to it, and therefore open our children’s eyes. It’s right there, I promise you don’t have to try very hard to find it.

Wishing you a probably busy, but yet peaceful holiday season for you and yours.

Love,

LP